Parenting is a journey, or more realistically referred to as a rollercoaster of emotions, that evolves just as much as the child you are raising. Human development can be easily influenced by various factors, such as cognitive, moral, and psychosocial changes throughout a person’s life. It is my job as your parenting manual for your child’s lifespan to help combat struggles and guide you through this lifelong role. It's imperative to recognize the work of respected psychologists. Psychologists Jean Piaget, Lawrence Kohlberg, and Erik Erikson all proposed different theories within the same field that help parents better understand their children and their mindsets to ultimately actively support their children’s growth. Understanding this, we will be integrating their principles through every stage of this manual. Each offers powerful lenses that are crucial to consider to help your child flourish, and essentially provide a roadmap to meet children’s needs at every stage of development that help with building loving, supportive relationships. 

        To begin, Jean Piaget is referred to as an expert in the field of child developmental psychology, developing the theory of cognitive development. Piaget’s cognitive development theory looks deeper into how thinking evolves through the following stages: sensorimotor, preoperational, concrete operational, and formal operational. His theory posits how youth intelligence progresses in the form of stages and is a cornerstone of psychology. He believed children actively build and structure their knowledge through interactions with their peers, family, and social environments that they are exposed to in their childhood. Piaget did this by studying the intellectual development of his three children and constructed a theory that described the stages his children passed. Moreover, these stages help parents better understand how their children learn, reason, and use their problem-solving skills. Furthermore, this theory is characterized by a move toward adaptation and specific techniques to novel external objects. It is also accompanied by accommodation, which is the tendency humans tend to use to modify an existing schema, such as learning a new skill. These characteristics synthesize together and provide a dynamic and balanced system that helps enhance the cognitive development of a child. Ultimately, there is a clear and concise understanding that a child's cognition develops further as he passes through each stage of development.  

        Secondly, Lawrence Kohlberg’s moral development theory outlines how people progress through levels of moral thinking: pre-conventional, conventional, and post-conventional. This aspect of his research can help guide parents to enforce healthier habits and behaviors within their children, resulting in them making better decisions. He served as a professor in the Psychology Department at the University of Chicago and then moved to the Graduate School of Education at Harvard University. Additionally, he has six stages of his theory of development as well. They consist of obedience and punishment, instrumental purpose, good boy nice girl, law and order, social contract, and universal ethical principle. The following three and six types of developmental stages are fundamental to understanding his theory. Kohlberg’s theory focuses on the thinking process that takes place within one’s brain, which in this case is children, where it is decided if a behavior is considered right or wrong. Thus, this theoretical emphasis on deciding an ethical response to a situation or problem and not what is decided or done helps convey his theory of moral development. 

        Last but not least, Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development describes eight stages in life where individuals face conflict, such as mistrust, identity crisis, and lack of purpose. He was a German-born American psychologist and a professor at Harvard College who studied deeply in developmental psychology. Contrastingly, his theory differs from Sigmund Freud’s by focusing on psychosocial development rather than psychodynamic and sexual development, whereas his theory is similar to Piaget and Kohlberg’s as it builds on the idea of child psychological development. Thus, his findings helped revolutionize how we look at human development, and we can use this knowledge to apply it to our own children’s development. 

Infancy (0-2 years)

        In this stage of development, your baby is exploring the world through their newfound senses and developing trust in their guardians. They learn to explore the world through their five senses: sight, smell, touch, hearing, and taste. By applying Piaget’s sensorimotor stage, infants learn through touch, movement, and the basic interactions influenced by the people surrounding them and their environment. Providing sensory toys can help children better understand how to use their senses so they can implement them into their everyday lives as they grow. In addition, having mirror play helps expose children to understand themselves and their movements. This helps them develop their cognitive skills and allows them to make connections between what they see and their responsive movements. Their interactions with their environment are significant to their development as they start observational learning practices at an early age. Moreover, tasting different foods can help them advance their food pallet. While still very young, their brain can process food, especially vitamins and minerals, which can help their cognitive development and facilitate healthy behaviors when they respond to their environment using their senses.

        It is crucial to focus on secure attachment styles through consistent care and affection throughout these practices to reassure your child that you are by their side while they make their way through the new world. Cognitive stimulation such as talking, singing, and reading can significantly enhance their brain development by exposing them to new phrases and vocality. Consequently, reading aloud to your child allows them to absorb your pronunciation of the words and better understand the rhythm of grammatically correct sentences, while also allowing them to associate certain words and behaviors or images you do/show them. A quick parent tip for children in the infancy stage is to respond actively to your baby. When they cry, pick them up. When they laugh, join them. Acknowledge their presence and importance as trust is built through the mere-exposure effect in children and love.

Early Childhood (2-6 years)

        During this developmental stage of your child's life, they learn to use their imagination and creativity while growing their independence and language comprehension skills. They are constantly exposed to new environments in comparison to their infancy stage as they are introduced to pre-schooling and soon starting grade school. Referencing back to Piaget, his preoperational stage allows a space for children to engage in fictitious play and begin using their imagination. They also start to use their primary language exponentially as they can absorb information at a fast rate, allowing them to apply the information they take in and implement it into their everyday lives, regardless if it is interacting with their family members or peers. However, they still struggle to see other perspectives over their own, often referred to as egocentrism. This is common in children, especially in their childhood, as they think that everyone perceives situations, thinks, and speaks the same way they do. To counter this, encourage storytelling, drawing, and role play to help open their perspectives to others, even if they may be fantasy characters. Furthermore, this will help them learn to understand their emotions and prompt them to come out of their shell and interact with their peers. Healthy interaction is key to the successful progression of Piaget’s theory, and your child’s development.

        The most effective manner to do this is through consistent discipline, especially positive reinforcement, to help reassure your child that each step is helping their future. Taking small steps to achieve a larger goal is always going to be key when dealing with children, regardless of age. Additionally, it is crucial to support their language comprehension by prompting them to read aloud and asking them open-ended questions. This provides them opportunities to think deeper into complex ideas that can facilitate creativity. Additionally, let them try simple tasks on their own for them to build autonomy and a sense of independence which will serve them as reassurance throughout their life when they are on their own. Mistakes are okay and are often encouraged in both children and adults. It gets tough to let your child go and experience things on their own, since as a parent our love comes in the form of protecting them from all in the world, but this is crucial for their cognitive development. So, support your child’s need to try things independently while setting clear, loving boundaries that reassure them you will be there for them. 

Middle Childhood (7-11 years)

        Moreover, in this stage of a child’s life, children are enrolled in schools and exposed to interactions with their peers. They develop logic and moral reasoning that build their conscience and act as a foundation for their morality. It is similar to the early childhood phase as children are exposed to new environments and focused on making new connections which ultimately enhances their emotional understanding. Piaget’s concrete operational stage can be applied in this phase as kids begin to think logically about solid, intangible situations. This essentially means that children gain the ability to interpret and converse successfully with numbers, volume, and area. Furthermore, individuals learn to use games and real-life examples to strengthen and defend their reasoning, which can become the root of their egocentric behavior in the previous stage. 

        In addition to Piaget’s theory, Kohlberg’s conventional moral development is prevalent as children care more about following rules that are seen as “good” and are addressed by an authoritative figure. This develops their morality and conscience as they grow up, and it can be seen in things as simple as feeling bad for not cleaning up a mess, or accidentally behaving rudely. So, this reinforces honesty, equality, and a sense of fairness, and empathy. It helps to build their sense of emotions and they better understand them in the context of building relationships and maintaining them as well. As parents, it is important to support children no matter what and advise them on what the best case of action would be. Help them navigate their friendships and learn how to deal with issues while also encouraging teamwork in group situations. So, the parent tip for this chapter is to simply be more involved in your child's social life, and help them branch out by urging them to talk about school, friendships, and their struggles so they feel more comfortable over time to talk about their feelings.

Adolescence (12-18 years)

        This stage is when kids morph into teenagers, which means they are discovering who they truly are. They start questioning the rules and regulations imposed on them by society and guardians, leading them to become more independent. Hormones do not only impact their physical appearance, but also influence the way they think and perceive situations throughout their life. So, Piaget’s formal operational stage discusses when teens can think abstractly and fast in critical environments. This can cause them to make irrational decisions and impulsive actions, which can be detrimental to their development. As a result, teenagers can develop personal ethics and may be prompted to challenge authority. Thus, it is crucial to engage your young adult-to-be in conversations and encourage them to talk about their feelings or big ideas. 

        In this stage especially, lots of individuals go through identity crises and lose their sense of identity, so helping them better understand their values will not only help them build their character, but also implement the same listening skills in their daily life in relationships. This idea is prominent in Kohlberg’s post-conventional morality aspect and goes hand in hand with Piaget. Together, using both of these identities and characteristics that these psychologists have to offer, it is imperative to showcase them to your child and make them feel heard. Feeling heard and considered is something that not many teenagers get, and it is something that heavily influences their outlook on life. Therefore, you must listen without judgment and be firm while being fair to your child, understanding they are still finding themselves and only starting to understand their newfound emotions that were struck with puberty. Let your child know that you will always be there for them, even when you disagree.

Early Adulthood (20s-30s)

        Now that your child has finished most of their schooling, they are beginning to enter adulthood and navigate the obstacles that it presents them with. They start to question their decisions about their careers, relationships, and sometimes even their identity or autonomy. Understanding that they are their own adult, it is still important to stand by and support your child with their life decisions. Shifting to psychologist Erikson's identity vs. role confusion stage, many individuals are faced with doubt in their lives and do not know who they are supposed to be and what they are destined to do. Though it is often linked to adolescence, this phase of early adulthood involves solidifying one's sense of sense. Moreover, in this phase many people find themselves expressing their careers, so helping your child navigate their jobs, education, relationships, and independence. 

        Understanding that their personality can change and fluctuate as they find themselves after being confined to school environments for the majority of their life. Pro-tip for this phase: support them without overstepping. Let them lead, and be their shadow and shoulder to cry on. You may notice a common pattern in these tips and the reason why is because having a strong foundational relationship with your child is crucial for their success. It can also prove to be beneficial to you as your child learns to be independent and choose to make their own choices throughout their lives, which they implement from observational learning in their youth. Another way Erikson’s stage is referred to is intimacy vs. isolation, where forming meaningful relationships is key. Again, this highlights how your actions as a parent or guardian help these developing middle adults with their careers and decision-making skills, so it is crucial to comprehend how simply being attentive and supportive of your child can be more beneficial than you think. 

Middle Adulthood (40s-60s)

        At this point in your child’s life, they are content with how their life has turned out so far, and either choose to keep working hard to provide for themselves or their family, or simply settle down and relax. This is a time for reflection on their life, and productivity in aspects of their life they may see fit. In addition, if they choose to grow their family, there are shifting roles and responsibilities throughout their household, similar to the way you decided to parent. More importantly, Erikson’s generatively vs. stagnation can be applied to this portion of your child's life as they wish to give back through their work, parenting their children, and community involvement. This theory essentially is reflecting on one's life and allowing them a renewed sense of purpose looking back at all they have accomplished throughout their lives, while having the motivation to provide for those around them. Not to mention, many individuals at this stage experience midlife crises, where they begin to question their worth and if they had a lasting impact on their community and the people around them. It can be a slow transition and can result in the individual having little hope for change, which can prompt them to enter a deep stage of depression or anxiety. 

        As a parent of fully grown, adult children who have children of their own, you may experience new challenges like watching your kids become parents and supporting their families. This can be a challenge as they can redefine your role and can be bittersweet. It is imperative to maintain healthy relationships and boundaries while staying emotionally available to your child. Why is this? Due to the fact that your child has grown up, they have experienced life with their own eyes, so they have their own opinions, values,  and ideas that may differ from the ones you raised them to believe and inhabit. While it may seem like you did not influence your child, you have made a lasting impact on their lives by encouraging them to explore their independence while acting as their backbone and supporting them every step of the way. This parent tip can be very beneficial for your child in meaningful ways to keep healthy relationships with not only them but also their children and important people in their lives.

Late Adulthood (65 years and above)

        Finally, the last stage of the manual, I know you’ve been dreading this. This is a stage of relaxation, more in comparison to middle adulthood. It brings reflection of how their life has been and provides them a sense of fulfillment along with accomplishment that is different than in their middle adulthood, in the sense that they now evaluate whether they lived a meaningful life and how their legacy will carry on. They wonder how their impact will be held throughout their family and how they have made an impact on you, as their parents. This is prominent in Erikson’s theory of integrity vs. despair, which includes a retrospective accounting of their life to date. This can include them feeling a sense of fulfillment, and success at this stage can lead to feelings of wisdom while failing can prompt regret, bitterness, and despair. Furthermore, it can be demonstrated by elderly individuals who often live in retirement homes who reflect on their lives and sometimes feel regret for missed opportunities and unfulfilled goals that they cannot go through at this stage in their lives. So, navigating retirement and adjusting to physical or cognitive changes that your child is faced with is crucial. However, as you may too be of elderly age, it is best to seek caregiving and stay socially connected which helps in maintaining a sense of purpose and fulfillment for not just your child, but also yourself. Raising a child and encouraging them to go on into the world is not an easy task, so this stage should be not rewarding to both parties. 

        Being a part, your role may begin to shift towards becoming a grandparent, or a storyteller to your children or grandchildren’s kids. Your presence is extremely valuable and considered as it offers wise values, traditions, and a sense of stability to younger generations. A crucial tip for this stage of life is to stay involved with your children and grandchildren. Share your own experiences through forms of storytelling and spread your wisdom to help inspire or prompt children to do the same you wish for your child to do, and what this manual encourages as well. Embrace the joy of reflecting on life and connecting with your children who have lived the full life you envisioned for them. So, sit back and take some time to yourself after all these years of worrying, hovering, and supporting yourself to allow your loved ones to take care of you. Last but not least, remember to prioritize your health and well-being so you can continue to enrich your family’s lives. 

        Parenting doesn’t just end; it transforms and revolutionaries through every generation. With the health of Piaget, Kohlberg, Erikson, and this manual, you can meet your child’s needs at every step of their life. Love, patience, and empathy are the key characteristics of a strong foundation of a lifelong connection and healthy relationship with your child, so start today. 

Works Cited

Larcher, V. (2015). Children Are Not Small Adults: Significance of Biological and Cognitive Development in Medical Practice. Handbook of the Philosophy of Medicine, 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-8706-2_16-1

Moral, K. (2023). Kohlberg’s Moral Development Stages | Overview & Definition - Lesson | Study.com. Study.com. https://study.com/academy/lesson/kohlbergs-stages-of-moral-development.html#:~:text=Embodied%20in%20these%20three%20levels,fundamental%20structure%20of%20Kohlberg's%20theory.  

Orenstein, G. A., & Lewis, L. (2022, November 7). Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development. Nih.gov; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556096/ 

Scott, H. K., & Cogburn, M. (2023, January 9). Piaget. Nih.gov; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK448206/#:~:text=Jean%20Piaget%20(1896%2D1980)%20was%20a%20renowned%20psychologist,and%20a%20pioneer%20in%20developmental%20child%20psychology.